Thursday, December 24th, 2009

now i don’t know if this is right, but it’s as though… it’s like feeling like a kid again. then again, i’m not exactly much older either. (but what is all this thing about age? what’s in an age? a person with any other age, would be just as stupid, sometimes).. it’s the thought and the presence of wanting to be around someone and be someone. someone that is, ultimately, yourself at the end of the day.. perfectionism? i haven’t done it, and i will never want to achieve it. happiness? at times it can be over-rated, especially the “negative happiness” that ghazali talked about. what am i looking for in this life, at this moment in time that will tell my future self that “this is it. you’re here.”? there are so many books to read, so many people to meet, so many things to like and dislike.. i remember one of my favourite scenes in 7 pounds is when emily says, “i want to know what it feels like to run”. for me, i want to know what it feels like to run, swim, move, be in motion and just feeling my body in the wind.. but i don’t do that. i don’t engage in drowning myself in this over-achieving, who can be stronger, faster, thinner, better, healthier world. it’s great to feel good in a dress, but even when i die, i won’t even have my skin, or flesh, or bones to dress my soul. my sister said that i don’t have to prove anything to anyone.. not even to myself. then, i wonder now, “what is there left?”. i guess, what’s left is when at the end of the day, before you take your last long breath, you decide. from the sins and sad stories that you’ve collected your bones in,… you can always climb out of it. especially since, and maybe even einstein would agree, that we all live for eternity. no need no potions or lotions. just you, and me.

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